How long does it takes for a person's life to change? If you want to lose weight they tell you it takes weeks, months or years to significantly change your habits. If you want to change your job it can take anywhere from one day to several years, especially if the change requires more education. When people win the lottery they might feel that their lives have changed overnight, but statistics show that most people who win a huge sum just end up squandering it away in a short period of time and end up as bad, or worse, than they were before; so no change.
On August 8th the lives of my friends Will, Trish, and daughters Samantha and Catherine changed, drastically and forever, in less than one second. Because Will failed to see a large vehicle heading toward him on a country road, he pulled out in front of it and his car was smashed almost beyond recognition. Daughter Samantha, 14, in the front seat, was probably killed instantly, Will was alive but had the lowest possible neurological reading, daughter Catherine, 11, in the right back seat, had a seriously broken femur, two cousins, also in the back seat, were relatively uninjured. Trish was following one car behind with Will's sisters and their husbands and witnessed the nightmare. Will was kept alive on life support in order to find donees for his organs, the plug was pulled four days later.
In half a moment this joyful and close family of four was violently torn in half. I went to the service, a double funeral, on Thursday August 17th, held in Minneapolis. Although it was a stunningly beautiful service, it was the saddest and most difficult memorial service I have ever attended. My boyfriend Tom who rarely sheds a tear (twice so far, death of dog, death of dad) sobbed like a child after the service; we sat there stunned until long after the church was empty. After the funeral Trish shook her head and said "But we were such a happy family, how could such a thing happen to us?"
The next day Trish took Tom and me on a bicycle ride throughout her favorite areas of Minneapolis. We saw their house, Will and Sam's favorite diving lakes, sculptures, gardens, and we ate a late lunch at their favorite bistro. Trish said "I'm determined to be happy, I don't know how yet but it's going to happen."
Catherine is currently in a wheelchair recovering from her broken leg. Trish will need to look for work. She doesn't know if she can live in their house anymore, too many memories of Will and Samantha. She needs to do what she can to grieve while at the same time looking out for the needs, desires and fears of her young daughter.
Will was a hard worker, incredible diver, generous teacher, excellent cook, gardener, knitter, baker, friend, father, husband, outdoorsman, the list seems endless. Samantha was a diver, athlete, great student, singer, poet, chicken raiser, teenager, and would have attended her freshman picnic on Friday, the day after her funeral. Why do good people have to die when there are so many horrible, awful people who live seemingly forever and continue to waste breathing space? It's a dilemma without an answer.
So, dear friends, please do the things you really want to do instead of putting them off. Visit the friends you haven't seen "but keep meaning to." Instead of making excuses make plans.
Will asked Tom and me for years to come and visit them in Minneapolis. It's tragic that the reason we finally made the trip was for his funeral.
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