Those Wacky Finns #5

The Helsinki Complaints Choir:
Finnish artists Tellervo Kalleinen and Oliver Kochta-Kalleinen collected the pet peeves and angst-ridden pleas of people in Helsinki and then composed this choral work around the list of complaints: The Helskinki Complaints Choir. (Click on the blue to see the youtube video, about 7 mins. long).












While many of the complaints are universal to western urban life ("Tramline three smells of pee," "Bullshitters get on too well in life," "Christmas season starts earlier every year"), many of the complaints dive deep to the heart of the Finnish soul ("Our ancestors could have picked a sunnier place to be," "In the public sauna they never ask if its ok to throw water on the stove," "Old forests are cut down and turned into toilet paper, and still all the toilets are always out of paper," and most importantly, "We always lose to Sweden in Hockey and Eurovision"). But all the complaints end with the timeless refrain of all humanity, It's Not Fair.



wacky finns, helsinki complaints choir

Sorry I Missed It

Sure wish I'd seen this before he got arrested...

From the Mercury Police Blotter, 10/24/2006:
CAMPBELL
First Street and Campbell Avenue, 11:55 p.m. Friday - a man riding his Harley with three female passengers aboard was found to be driving under the influence.

I suppose a motorcycle with four people aboard would be noticeable here in California.

Obviously it's not a big deal elsewhere, say Bali for example:



police blotter, motorcycle, bali traffic

SPAM Haiku

Top ten, in no particular order:








Born in World War Two
Hogs marching off to battle
Dressed in tin armor.

And who dares mock Spam?
you? you? you are not worthy
of one rich pink fleck.

Oh tin of pink meat
I ponder what you may be:
Snout or ear or feet?

In mud you frolicked
Till they cut, cleaned and canned you
How now, ground sow?

Silken pig tofu
The color of spanked buttocks
Blushing at my knife.

SPAM, too, needs a wife
What consort for my Pork Prince?
Ah! The Velveeta!

Little slab of meat
In a wash of clear jelly
Now I heat the pan

The color of Spam
is natural as the sky:
A block of sunrise.

In the cool morning
I fry up a slab of Spam
A dog barks next door.

Clad in metal, proud
no mere salt-curing for you
you are not bacon.




spam haiku

Ugly Bettys of the World Unite!!

There is a phenomenon that has been taking over the world since 1999. It is a modern twist on the ugly duckling story and all started with the Colombian telenovela sensation Yo Soy Betty La Fea. When it aired in the U.S. a couple of work pals watched this telenovela and loved it. They discussed it nearly every day at work. At that time I didn't know a word of Spanish so never bothered watching it. I regret that now.

Because this telenovela was such hit it was copied in numerous other countries and has achieved its most recent manifestation in the new U.S. prime time program Ugly Betty.

Many thanks to Caray, Caray! La Fea Mas Bella recapper Julie, (who also recaps Ugly Betty), for turning me onto the following world tour of beautiful uglies, which I plagiarized from Entertainment Weekly:

COLOMBIA
THE SHOW: It's the telenovela that spawned all subsequent versions: From 1999-2001, Yo Soy Betty, La Fea (translation: I Am Betty, the Ugly One) followed unattractive but whip-smart Beatriz (a.k.a. ''Betty'') through life-changing experiences as an assistant at a fashion house.
THE STAR: Ana María Orozco, looking very much like the U.S. Betty, with her scary mouth gear and red granny glasses



GERMANY
THE SHOW: Verliebt in Berlin (loose translation: Being in Love in Berlin). Like most telenovelas, this version (2005-present) was meant to wrap up quickly, in about a year, but high ratings led to another season.
THE STAR: Soap actress Alexandra Neldel was Elisabeth ''Lisa'' Plenske, the ''ugly'' heroine who found her happy ending at the conclusion of season 1.






RUSSIA
THE SHOW: Ne Rodis' Krasivoy (loose translation: Not Born Beautiful); 2005-06
THE STAR: As Katya, Nelli Uvarova is stuck with the glasses and braces but is spared the heinous bangs




SPAIN
THE SHOW: Yo soy Bea (2006-present); the Bea is not only the heroine's nickname but also a playful combination of the Spanish words fea (ugly) and bella (beautiful).
THE STAR: Ruth Néñez is Beatriz ''Bea" Pinzón, who, like many of the international Bettys, ends up falling for the boss.



THE NETHERLANDS
THE SHOW: The Dutch version is simply named after its protagonist: Lotte (2006-present)
THE STAR: The actually-quite-attractive Nyncke Beekhuyzen (seriously, take off the glasses and she looks like she could play in an indie-rock band)




INDIA
THE SHOW: Jassi Jaisi Koi Nahi (translation: There Is No One Like Jassi), which during its three-year run (2003-2006) dealt with issues of beauty and class
THE STAR: Mona Singh is fashion-house secretary Jaisi, who's got kind of a mod '60s look goin' on...



MEXICO
THE SHOW: La Fea más Bella (translation: The Most Beautiful Ugly Woman), which also airs on Univision in the United States — in fact, one recent episode of the telenovela reached 5.4 million viewers, topping all The CW's shows that week.
THE STAR: Angélica Vale is Leticia ''Lety'' Padilla Solís, who works as an assistant not in fashion but at an advertising agency. She's got the glasses and the braces and — horrors! — even metal barettes.

THE U.S. AND CANADA
THE SHOW: ABC's Salma Hayek-produced Ugly Betty, which debuted to high ratings on Sept. 28 and has been called one of the season's best new shows.
THE STAR: America Ferrera, who's played memorably touching characters in movies like Real Women Have Curves and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, makes fashion-challenged Queens girl Betty Suarez a joy to watch. Will this sassy, independent Betty, like a few of her foreign counterparts, eventually get a miraculous makeover? ''I've been asked a lot when she's going to get pretty,'' Ferrera told EW, ''but it's so not the point of the show.''

I think it's fascinating that the ugly duckling theme is so very popular throughout the world. Is it because many of us identify with the plain janes and ugly bettys, always getting overlooked and ignored in favor of those few undeserving beauties who always seem to get first dibs on all the good stuff?

Of course if you Google Image the actresses you will see that all of them are incredibly good-looking to downright beautiful in real life.

The original "ugly"...NOT!!

Sigh...so the beauties not only get the beautiful roles, they also get the choicest "ugly" roles as well? Dang, that sucks!!

ugly betty, la fea mas bella, betty la fea, ugly duckling

You Can Run...

...but with Google you cannot hide. Thanks to old friends googling my name, which shows up on our company's web site, I have been e-mailed and/or telephoned by:

*Phone: a friend from elementary school days, after I made a joke about not ever wanting any brats running around the house he informed me he is thrilled with his first child, a perfect little girl, he never knew life could be so meaningful. Gee, never heard that tired old tune before. Chance of hearing back from him - 10%. Do I care? No.

*E-mail: a girlfriend from my high school daze, she always had the absolute sleaziest boyfriends, her entire e-mail consisted of telling me all about her wonderful new boyfriend, friends for years and just became lovers, both Deadheads. Hello, what century are we in? Chance of hearing back - 20%.

*Phone and e-mails: a boyfriend from my living-in-the-south days, accent thicker than ever, bragged about his genius son, sounded sad that I'd never married or had kids, probably thinks it's because of him. Why did he call? My theory - his church had a "beg for forgiveness" drive and he couldn't face life until I told him I didn't hold a grudge for all the crap he gave me. Yes, he broke my heart but that was the best gift he ever gave me. Thanks asshole. Chance of hearing back - unfortunately 35%, wish it were 0%.

*Phone and e-mails: hottie boyfriend from college days, worked on the campus farm and lived in a teepee, now works as an organic farmer and has a teepee on his property. I found this consistency in lifestyle oddly reassuring. Still hot. Chance of hearing back - 80%.

*E-mail and phone: pal from silicon valley work days, now lives in NY. Was always depressed in California but much happier back home in NY with all the other depressed city folk. Called me last year on my birthday, wonder if he'll call this year? Chance of hearing back - 99%.

I think there have been one or two more but I can't remember them off the top of my head.

I wonder how many other old friends/acquaintances have googled me but not contacted me?

Of course, thanks to Google I already knew what most of these folks were up to, heh heh.

googling

Busted in Berlin

"Police hunt breast enlargement cheats"

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German plastic surgeon who was cheated out of payment by several women has given pictures of their enlarged breasts to police, in the hope the photos will help trace them.

"The women registered under fake names," Michael Koenig, a surgeon in Cologne, told Bild newspaper. "After the operations, which lasted about an hour, they just ran away."

"Tanja" went out for "fresh air" after 8,000-euro ($10,000) surgery to enlarge her breasts. "She never came back and never paid," Koenig said. He now plans to demand payment in advance.

Bild published a five-column picture of Tanja's naked breasts. "It's probably the most unusual wanted poster police ever had," the newspaper wrote.

I logged onto Bild, (quite a trashy publication by the way) and found Tanja's wanted poster in all its glory, but I must say her breasts don't look very enlarged to me:



Der Busen von "Tanja" (26) aus Würzburg vor der Vergrößerung (von 75 A auf 75 C). Gleich nach der OP verschwand sie, ohne zu bezahlen. Schaden: 8000 Euro

Sorry, I don't understand German so cannot translate.

It seems that Dr. Konig cannot keep track of just breasts, he also has a couple of running noses as well, here is Silke's wanted poster featuring her new nose job:

If you long onto Bild Online today you can read this article in German, notice that Paris Hilton is on the front page, download David Hasselhof's new single and see a picture of a man sticking out of a sausage grinder.

Bild, breast enlargement, nose job

Up All Night - Race to The Farallons

Sunday 5:oo pm

Have you noticed that when you stay up all night it really messes with your internal systems? Today I am suffering the "hangover" of having stayed up all night...

Yesterday I raced on a friend's sailboat (mentioned on a previous post) from San Francisco, out the Golden Gate and around the Farallon Islands, approximately 25 miles offshore, then back again to San Francisco.


The Farallons are famous for whale watching, fishing and great white shark research.

I have done this race many times on my boat and on friends' boats. Usually we can finish this race between 7:00 pm and midnight, no matter how slow the boat. Yesterday's race was the longest Farallons race ever. We started at 10:00 a.m. yesterday and finished at 7:45 a.m. this morning.

Why so long? Because there was no frigging wind on the ocean! The race was long and grueling and even though I took a break from midnight to 02:30 I couldn't sleep because sailboats are very noisy.

So now I am delirious and lazy. I had a million things to do today but so far all I have been able to to is take a 2 hour nap, catch up on watching two telenovelas, blog about said telenovelas and feel guilty for not getting even one of my myriad of chores done. It's 5:40 pm and I haven't even taken a shower yet. Gross.

Sometimes I wonder why I do these ocean races...

Cons: This race was too long, we rounded the islands at night so I didn't get to see them, because the winds were light we were downwind of the island for hours and the air reeked of bird and seal poo, one of my crew-mates talks non-stop, Tom (my boyfriend and not the non-stop talker) had just read "The Devil's Teeth" by Susan Casey and kept telling us about the Farallon flies that live in the anus of seals, it was overcast and chilly all day except for about 30 minutes when we had some sun.


(Tom enjoying the sun with the islands in the background.)

Pros: I was on the ocean, the seas were flat instead of lumpy so nobody hurled, it was overcast and chilly so no anus-dwelling flies landed on us, I like my crew-mates even the one who won't shut the fuck up, even though the race was frustratingly slow we laughed all night long, we saw lots of dolphins and a humpback whale, it's always an adventure to sail out to the Farallons, for breakfast I had a chocolate muffin and a mug of rum.


Here's a what Arch Rock at The Farallons looks like when you get to sail around it during the day, sigh.

7:00 pm update. Took out the trash and recycling, watched the moon rise. Hoorah, day not a total waste. Can now go to bed.

sailboat racing, farallon islands, up all night