The human race is doomed

Stupid dumb asshat of the week award goes to 21 yr. old Joshua Poe from Palo Alto:

Palo Alto man arrested after reportedly trying to scare `bully'
By Mark Gomez Mercury News

A 21-year-old Palo Alto man who reportedly told police he was trying to scare a teenage bully was arrested early this morning on a host of charges, including attempted murder, after he allegedly fired several shotgun rounds into the teen's apartment.

The trouble started Wednesday night when Joshua Poe, 21, broke up a fight between a 17-year-old boy and 20-year-old man at a house party in Palo Alto, according to police agent Dan Ryan. Poe stopped the fight by hitting the two on the head with a rifle barrel; the pair involved in the fight went separate ways without further incident, Ryan said.

Police allege that in an attempt to stop the 17-year-old from further bullying, Poe went home, grabbed a shotgun and ammunition and rode his bike to the Midtown Court Apartments, located near Middlefield Road and Colorado Avenue. After knocking at the door just after midnight, Poe fired several rounds through the front door and forced his way into the residence. Once inside, Poe allegedly chased a woman with the gun.

He was chasing her around, demanding to find the kid," Ryan said. "The kid came out and took him on."

The 17-year-old confronted Poe with a knife, police say, and a fight ensued. During the struggle, the shotgun was knocked to the floor and the knife was broken. The two were still fighting on the second-floor landing when police arrived.

"Poe thought one of the kids was kind of a bully," Ryan said, adding that Poe wanted "to put a stop to his bullying" by getting a shotgun to "scare him."

Poe was arrested on suspicion of several counts of shooting into an inhabited dwelling, two counts of burglary, assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder.

Although police report there was drinking at the party, Ryan said it sounded as though Poe "was clear-headed and had a plan of action."

Inappropriate work clothing - how I stack up

Monster conducted a survey of 18,000 people and can reveal what people shouldn't wear to work in the summer months. Here are some of the results. Let's see how I stack up to Monster's professional image:

- Shorts or Short-Cut Capri Pants - While shorts are great attire during personal time, they can be inappropriate for the workplace, as they indicate that a worker has a "vacation" state of mind.
Minus 1/2 point: I love wearing capri pants to work in the summer. I even got the boss to get a couple of pairs and doesn't she just look fabulous with her long legs? Shorts? Fageddaboutit!

-- Flip-Flops - A separate Monster Meter conducted last summer revealed that an overwhelming 80 percent of workers deem flip-flops unacceptable in the workplace.
Minus 1 point: I own so many flip-flops I had to clean out my closet so they would fit. I own a pair of faux fur-lined flip-flops for my early spring collection.

-- Revealing Clothing - This category includes short skirts, unbuttoned shirts, midriff-length tops and clothes that are too small. When on the job, workers should ensure that clothing accentuates their brains over their bodies, and remember that undergarments were designed to be worn under garments.
Plus one point: Nope, I don't do revealing clothing or undergarments worn on the outside, although one halloween when I didn't wear a costume I wore my undies on the outside just for fun.

-- Loud Colors or Patterns - Just because wild animals sport bright colors to attract a mate, eye-catching clothing should not be used to impress colleagues.
Neutral: Plus one point for not doing this, minus one point for fear of creativity and joie de vivre.

-- T-Shirts - The only work-related activity where t-shirts are appropriate is at a company softball game.
Minus one point: Guilty as charged, and to make it worse they all have hideous sailing logos on them.

-- Wrinkled Duds - Linen and cotton are both popular materials for the spring and summer, but they wrinkle easily. Workers should launder and press clothes made of these fabrics to retain the finished appeal they had when purchased.
Eh? Even I wouldn't wear wrinkled clothes to work. Do other people do this? Plus one point for me then.

Final Tally: a positive .5 points for me, hoorah!

I wonder if Monster has done a survey on how many people blog at work instead of actually doing their work? heh heh

Don Ho - In Memorium

I just heard on the radio that Don Ho passed away four days ago on April 14 2007. Why wasn't this bigger news? How insulting!

I read that when asked about his distinctive "hushed" crooning style, Don claimed that when he started his first band he was such a bad singer he sang softly so as not to drive away the customers.

In the early sixties he got a gig at Duke's in Waikiki. It was there that he developed his trademark of performing with a drink and cigarette in hand. It wasn't his singing, but rather his witty and amusing repartee with the guests that earned him the title 'Mr. Waikiki.'

His biography is on his website, www.donho.com.

Daughter Hoku Ho carries on the family tradition of performing:

Hmm...I wonder if the whole brouhaha with that jerk Don Imus had anything to do with keeping the death of Don Ho out of the news?

Best Telenovela Curse Ever

Of all the fantastic curses I have heard on telenovelas, this is the best one yet:

Caerás en un remolino interminable de la desesperación y que los coyotes rabiosos se coman tus testiculos por toda la eternidad.

Meaning:
May you fall into a never-ending whirlpool of despair and have your testicles eaten by rabid coyotes for all eternity.

Mexican Dichos

One of the many reasons I enjoy watching Spanish language telenovelas is that they are full of "dichos" i.e. proverbs. Here are some of my favorites that I picked up over the last few months:

El amor es ciego pero los vecinos no. = Love is blind, but the neighbors aren't.

Del dicho al hecho, hay mucho trecho. = From the saying to the act, there is much distance. (Easier said than done.)

Mira el burro ablando de orejas! = Look at the donkey talking about ears! (That’s the pot calling the kettle black!)

Otra vez, la burra al trigo. = Once again the donkey goes to the wheat. (It's the same old shit.)

Cría cuervos, y te sacarán los ojos. = Breed crows, and they will take out your eyes. (You reap what you sow.)

En boca cerrada, no entran moscas. = Flies don't enter a closed mouth. (Silence is golden.)

Aunque la mona se vista de seda, mona se queda. = Even though the monkey dresses in silk, she stays a monkey. (You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.)

And my favorite...

Cuando guajolote se fue del guacal va a terminar en mole. = When the turkey leaves the cage he ends up in mole. (The man who play around ends up getting killed, dressed, cut up, boiled, and served in mole sauce. Or something like that.)

Other reasons to watch telenovelas, Christian Meier in Zorro:

Zorro is on Telemundo, M-F at 9:05 - 10:05 with English subtitles.
I'm not the only one who thinks Zorro, La Espada Y La Rosa is the best thing on TV these days!

Eduardo Yañez in Destilando Amor:

Destilando Amor is on Univision, M-F unfortunately at the same time as Zorro, no English subtitles.

Jaime Camil in La Fea Mas Bea:

La Fea Mas Bea is on Univision, M-F at 8:00 - 9:00, no English subtitles.

El Intocable in Duelo de Pasiones. El Intocable (Untouchable) is an ex luchador (Mexican wrestler) turned actor. He's not the hero in Duelo de Pasiones. The hero is a dud. El Intocable has a supporting role in Duelo but I find him much more intersting:

Duelo de Pasiones is on Univision, M - F 7:00 - 8:00.

Intocable!!

There are English recaps of the above telenovelas (and more) at this website, Caray, Caray!

He cut off his nose to spite his face

Last weekend I went to Denver to visit my friend Jennifer. On Saturday we went for a walk and passed a woodpecker in a tree. It reminded her of a time when her friend Mike called her (late) husband Bruce to ask if he could borrow one of Bruce's rifles. Bruce answered "Sure" without asking why or even if Mike knew how to shoot a gun. Guys.

It turns out that woodpeckers were attacking the eaves of Mike's house and Mike was irritated to see a bunch of 1/4" holes in his wood siding.

Several days after Mike borrowed Bruce's gun, Mike's wife Stephanie called Bruce to ask him why in the hell he loaned his gun to Mike. She had several bones to pick with Bruce...

Problem #1: Woodpeckers are protected by federal and state laws.

Problem #2: Mike did not know how to shoot a gun.

Problem #3: Mike decided to shoot at the birds while they were pecking the eaves, in other words, while they were on the house.

Problem #4: Instead of several tiny holes in the house, there were now two large gaping wounds where Mike blew the roof off.

Luckily Mike missed the woodpeckers.