How We Say NO

I have lived in California all my life except for a few years in Arkansas and a few in Georgia. Don't ask. I love California and I adore Californians. Generally speaking we have many wonderful qualities, but one of the things we are very bad at...we hate to say NO. I'm not sure why, maybe we think it's impolite, maybe we don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, maybe we're wimps.

We say other things when we mean NO and people from different regions don't understand that. So here are a few phrases that we Californians say that sound like YES but really mean NO:

"I'll think about it and let you know." = means NO

"I'll check my schedule and get back to you." = means NO

"That sounds awesome, I'll see if I can make it!" = means NO

"I'll show up if I can find a babysitter." = means NO and I have no intention of looking for a sitter.

"Maybe." or "I'll try." or "We'll see." = all mean NO

No response = means NO and I hope you forget you asked me

Once in a while we do say "NO." And we usually mean it. Maybe.

how to say no, californians, saying no

Back in California

I'm back in Silicon Valley after a whirlwind three weeks in Hawaii. The reason of course was to rendezvous with Synthia after her amazing single-handed sail/race from SF Bay to Hanalei. Synthia ended up winning both her division (three boats) and class (eights boats). She really wanted to win the darn thing overall but the weather gods did not smile kindly on her. The entire fleet bobbed around in no air for 4-5 days which is TORTURE. Of course since it's a sailboat race the sailors cannot use their engines. So they sit trying to eke every tiny bit of speed out of their boat possible.

When the winds are light then the bigger boats make out because they are the first to hit the wind and the margin between them and the small boats gets bigger and bigger each day. The rich get richer.

As you can see there is NO F***ING WIND!











One night the breeze started to fill in and the squalls began to form in the distance. This was a sign that the Pacific High (i.e. no f***ing wind) was about the lift and the tradewinds were about to start blowing.

Synthia was able to set her spinnaker and begin sailing once again toward Kauai! The bigger boats arrived first. Synthia led the pack of the smaller, slower boats. She arrived about 11:00 pm on July 13th. She was followed a few hours later by two competitors with whom she'd had constant contact throughout the race. Her old pal Phil on Sail A Vie and her new pal The General on Harrier. The General (Ken) is 77 yrs. old and this was his 9th Singlehanded Transpac. It was a very busy morning! The General hit the beach at dawn and of course Synthia and Phil had to wait for his arrival:

It's never too early for a celebratory beer or Mai Tai!

My favorite story of the entire adventure was that Hesperus, the smallest boat at 23', lost her rudder about 150 miles from Kauai. Paul deployed the emergency rudder but that failed as well. It was not a good situation. There was still a boat close by, Carroll E., the second smallest at 24'. Chris aboard Carroll E. decided to stay next to Hesperus indefinitely while Paul experimented with various methods of steering the boat...various jib configurations, dragging drogues, etc. After a day or so Hesperus was able to steer without a rudder but at a very...slow...pace. Chris made the decision to stay with Hesperus the entire way into Kauai. Remember they have now been out at sea for about 19 days! It was an amazingly heroic decision for Chris to make, especially since his lovely fiancee Justine was in Kauai waiting for him. Synthia and I were scheduled to leave Hanalei Bay for Honolulu on Monday July 17th, but Hesperus and Carroll E. were not going to arrive until that day, so we and many others postponed our trips so that we could greet our comrades! Synthia serenaded them with her ukulele when they arrived on land.
Paul from Hesperus sure was glad to step on land and get his Mai Tai!!
It is a tradition to meet at "The Tree" on Hanalei Beach every evening at 5:00 to toast the new arrivals. Chris was proud to receive accolades for his good sportsmanship in staying alongside Hesperus.
The next day Synthia and I departed Hanalei Bay Kaui for Honolulu and had a glorious 24 hour sail across the Kauai Channel. We arrived in Honolulu at 4:00 am, napped a couple of hours, then got up and decomissioned our beloved Eyrie to be shipped home on a freighter. It was a terrible culture shock to leave calm, breezy, unpopulated Hanalei one morning and wake up in HOT, NOISY Honolulu the next.
But we got the boat packed up and ready to ship in record time, leaving several days to party with our Pacific Cup pals in Honolulu. But that's another story:

Singlehanded Transpac - to thine ownself be crew

On Saturday June 24 the docks of the Corinthian Yacht Club in Tiburon were full of singlehanded sailors and their boats outfitted for a journey across the Pacific Ocean, 2120miles from San Francisco to Hanalei Bay, Kauai. Also on hand were scores of family, friends and general well-wishers for this intrepid lot
Of this year's 16 competitors two are women, including my friend and sailing pal Synthia Petroka.


The ages range from 39 (I think) up to 77 and the boats range in size from 23' - 60'.
The oldest gentleman,
The General, is sailing his 9th Singlehanded Transpac aboard his Finn Flyer 31, Harrier.


The youngest (I think) is Christian Humann aboard his Dana 24, the second smallest boat in the fleet. Nice job trimming all those sails Chris!!


The largest boat is Dogbark, an Open 60, and the smallest is Hesperus, a Kirby 23:


Dude, are you crazy? That's a small boat!!

Synthia is sailing in Eyrie, a 28' Wylie Hawkfarm, the third smallest in the fleet.
I went to the docks early that morning with the last of Synthia's provisions, the perishables. The plan was to put away these last few items, maybe grab some breakfast, and I hoped to tour a few of the boats that I hadn't yet seen. But when I arrived the crowd was already at a nervous pitch with friends, loved ones, kids, parents and dogs running around, jumping on and off the boats saying their last damp-eyed goodbyes.


The sailors all seemed in good spirits but honestly, they must have been nervous wrecks.

Synthia's dog Girlfriend hates to be on the boat, but that morning, sensing her best buddy was about to leave, Girlfriend kept jumping aboard and trying to hide down below. Nice try Girlfriend!
The Corinthian YC tenders towed the boats out to the starting line one by one. Since Synthia and I had not yet had a chance to go over some last details I jumped aboard Eyrie for the tow-out so we could have some moments away from the crowd to decompress. Tom joined us as he wanted to check a few last-minute technical details.


Two years ago Synthia and I competed in the Pacific Cup race from SF to Oahu in the Doublehanded Division. We had worked hard for nearly a year to get ready for this race so I knew all too well how she was feeling now. It felt odd to finally have to jump off Eyrie to board Twist, the beautiful J/120 that was to be our ride as we escorted these racers out the gate.


Twist was a perfect photo boat.



The starting line was just off the race deck of the beautiful Corinthian Yacht Club and all boats started well even though the wind was light, 0-5 knots.






As soon as they were able to make their way into the central bay the winds picked up to the mid-20's, a challenging transition for the singlehanders, but most of them adjusted their sail configurations accordingly and left the gate without incident.
Sail A Vie out the gate!


Well...mostly without incident, Seabird had jib trouble and turned on his engine to avoid hitting the rocks. Thankfully it was early enough in the race that he was allowed to go back and restart.

Aboard Twist, we were able to watch the antics while making sure to stay out of the way of the racers.



Dad, Tom and Timo in charge of driving and trimming...






Hilari, Dawn and I enjoyed being rail meat, and we didn't even have to hike out. What a change from the usual racing and being trashed and splashed on the foredeck!



Erik helped Sonja keep a lookout for our favorite competitors.



We followed Synthia out the gate and about a mile beyond Point Bonita. We were far enough behind her that she didn't notice us for a while, but we finally caught up to her and when she tacked over and realized it was us behind her she let out a whoop and a wave.

Our final farewell to Synthia and a perfectly trimmed Eyrie:

Way to go girlfriend!!

Of the nearly 300 billion people who live in the US (plus England, Canada, Australia, and all of the other countries from where some Transpac competitors have hailed) only a handful, approximately 200, have participated in this event in its 28-year (14 race) history. An exclusive group to be sure!


singlehanded transpac, sailboat racing

Those Wacky Finns #2

Another Wacky Finn post, and so soon after the first! Those Finns never fail to disappoint...

The Eurovision Song Contest has been held in various European venues for the past 50 years. It is notorious for being the Grand Prix of European pop music and it is a very popular event.

In 1974 Sweden's ABBA took the contest by storm and won the prize for Waterloo. This year Finland's headbanger "monster rock" group Lordi walked away with the prize with a record 292 points for their song Hard Rock Hallelujah. My, my...how times do change.

Apparently many of the popsters were quite miffed that a group of costumed headbangers could win the coveted grand prize of Euro-pop, but this contest is won by popular vote and the people had spoken.

Lordi uses excessive pyrotechnics in their act and it required grass roots funding by the Finnish public to raise the money to purchase and transport said props to Athens for their act.

Lordi were slightly controversial due to rumours of devil-worshipping, and the Greek Consumers Union wanted them banned. However band leader Mr. Lordi (real name Tomi Putaansuu) did say that in a choice between God and the Devil they would actually choose God. Also, one of their songs is called The Devil is a Loser, so that proves it.

Some of their other song titles are Rock the Hell Outta You, Forsaken Fashion Dolls, Would You Love a Monsterman, My Heaven is Your Hell and, my favorite, Wake the Snake.

It seems that Mr. Lordi is quite the patriot in his Finland flag hat...

Here is the Google video Hard Rock Hallelujah. You can check out their winning performance on the same Google page as well as some of their other rock videos.

wacky finns, lordi, eurovision song contest

A Fungus Amongus

This morning when I walked outside to go to work I saw this in the mulch next to my lawn. What in the...? I couldn't make up my mind whether it was cool or gross. It looked like bright yellow foam of some sort. Was it a sort of fungus or just simply animal vomit? It looked too well-formed and not slimy enough to be barf. So I took a couple of pictures and when I got to work I did a Google search on "fungus that looks like vomit." Lo and behold there is a fungus, a slime mold really, called Dog Vomit Fungus, aka Fuligo Septica.

Here is what one expert has to say about the subject:

This colorful growth occurs when the mold is beginning its fruiting stage. It can appear seemily overnight causing some people to question what it is and how it got there. Therefore, you can see how this mold got its common name........

It must be Fluffy from across the street.......

The size of this species can be very small (say a Jack Russell terrier who ran in circles too much) to very large (that Saint Bernard ate my burrito).

It's gross and cool. It's Dog Vomit Slime Mold!

What is Art???

I heard the funniest interview yesterday on As It Happens. Apparently an English artist, David Hensel, had submitted a sculpture entitled "One Day Closer to Paradise" to be considered in London's prestigious Royal Academy's summer exhibition. He was delighted to hear that his piece had been selected. Imagine his confusion when he proudly visited the exhibit, looked and looked for his piece, a laughing head, and found only the stand upon which it was supposed to rest!

He shipped the pieces separately assuming that, duh, even an idiot much less art "professionals" would be able to figure out a stand (aka plinth) needed something to sit upon it.

A spokeswoman said: "David Hensel's work, One Day Closer To Paradise, was submitted to the Royal Academy of Arts Summer Exhibition 2006 as two separate pieces.

"Given their separate submission, the two parts were judged independently. The judging panel had assumed the two pieces were separate art works and decided the plinth was better.

"The head was rejected. The base was thought to have merit and accepted. It is currently on display.

Mr. Hensel was very good natured about it.

"I like the plinth as an object. I just never thought of it as a sculpture in its own right".

"What pleases me, though, is that it gives a lot of people the chance to think about what art is.

Which of course leads to the eternal question...what is art? I am not an artist, and though I enjoy and appreciate art I have never actually been able to define it. There is what I call "rip-off art." You know, like a red circle painted on a black square, give me a break. (Apologies to my artist friends whom I know are rolling their eyes at my peasantry!) But again I say, what do I know? I only know what I like.


You decide. Is this art...?








or is this...?

Best In The World

I just realized that I know somebody who is The Best In The World at something. I'm very excited about this. His name is Stan Honey and he is the best ocean navigator in the world.



I always suspected that Stan was One Of The Best because he has a long history of winning ocean races. For as long as I have known him (8 years) he has been the navigator on Roy Disney's state-of-the-art sailboats, all named Pyewacket, Steve Fossett's trimaran Playstation, and has won numerous ocean races on his own Cal 40 Illusion and numerous other boats.

Currently Stan is the navigator on one of the boats in the Volvo Ocean Race. Not surprisingly it is the winning boat, ABN AMRO ONE (aka Black Betty).


So far Black Betty has won 6 out of 8 ocean legs which is phenomenal. There is one leg left to sail, but this boat has already racked up so many points that they cannot possibly be beaten. They have already won the Volvo Ocean Race regardless of the outcome of the final leg.

The sailing in this race is some of the most extreme in the world. The route takes the boats into the Southern Ocean, famed for treacherous icebergs, waves the size of 3-story buildings, and winds that can reach up to 50 knots. Recently they sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and a sailor on their sister ship, ABN AMRO TWO was washed off the boat and perished.

Sailing at this level engages all the senses to a degree that is almost painful:
Sight - one is constantly watching sail trim, the speed and wind gauges, weather faxes, sunrise, sunset, squalls, the occasional visit by a sea animal, the list of things to keep an eye on is endless.

Hearing - these boats are absolutely cacaphonous and it's a miracle that anybody can sleep. Down below every sound in these naked, unpadded hulls is magnified...water rushing against the hull, any minor trim on the winch sounds like its about to be ripped off the deck. Up above you hear the wind, the water, the shouts of your mates.

Smell - needless to say a group of guys on a boat with no bathing facilities, working full steam 24/7, on ocean legs lasting anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks is going to be aromatic. The degree of work output is directly related to the degree of rankness below decks.



Touch - a good helmsman drives by sight and feel, a good trimmer trims by sight and feel, the water can be icy cold and above decks the trimmers regularly get completely drenched by huge waves, the air is either freezing or too warm, every piece of hardware on the boat seems designed to inflict injury and bad injuries occur with alarming regularity.

Taste - perhaps this is a sense best kept at a minimum as meals are designed for ease and speed, not enticement or flavor. On the other hand, to want victory so bad you can taste it is a good thing.

The skipper of Black Betty recently said this about Stan: "Stan's a legend. He does all his homework. Up in the north of Scotland the course got diverted, but Stan had this huge literature of the tides for the new route. A genius."

A genius...and right now generally considered to be one of, if not THE best ocean navigator in the world. Good on ya Stan.

ocean racing, sailboat racing, volvo ocean race

It's a power surge, not a hot flash

I sail with three guys. They're cool , all married and they try hard to understand women. Sometimes we're on the boat for hours. We mostly talk about racing, how to go faster, how to beat other boats, what we're going to do next, etc. But sometimes we talk about other stuff too.

Last Saturday one of the guys said his wife is going through menopause. I told him, "Oh yeah, I did that years ago. The hot flashes were annoying but other than that it was kind of like adolescence."

He asked me if I'd had mood swings, if I got bitchy, that sort of thing. I said "I don't think I was any bitchier than usual," (of course I'm kind of a witch anyway), "the only difference is before menopause I felt guilty when I was a crank, during menopause I felt just fine about it. In fact it felt fucking GREAT! It still does."

They were silent for about 30 minutes after that. I wonder what they were thinking? I didn't ask, I just enjoyed the quiet.

EBCB

I am not a breakfast person. My breakfast used to be a small pot of espresso. I gave up coffee so now it's a cup of tea.

But the odd thing is, I really LIKE breakfasts. Or rather I like the food that is breakfast. I just don't care to eat a big meal first thing in the morning. Nevertheless, for some time now I have been completely enamored with a blog of cafe reviews called eggsbaconchipsandbeans. It is written by a very clever chap, Russell Davies, who waxes eloquent on his passion, the full english fry up.


"Those chips are just huge and delicious. And that egg is like a splendid yellow volcano. There's a bean element making a tiny bid for freedom. The bacon is a solid force of conservatism and traditional values."


He turns a plate of eggs, bacon, chips and beans into pure poetry, bringing back pleasant memories of my youth traveling through England. The first time I was ever served an ebcb I was positively horrified at a breakfast that included beans and french fries.

Not wishing to be the Ugly American and insult the hostess at our B&B I tucked in. First the bacon, usually a safe bet, was outstanding; not skinny and fatty as I was used to, but thick, flavorful, meaty and perfectly salty. Then the egg, fresh with an orange, not yellow, yolk...sublime. Surprisingly the chips were the perfect crunchy foil for dunking into this well of perfection. Then the beans...absolutely delightful with the bacon as you might guess, tasty with the chips (what isn't I ask you), and not bad at all with the egg, very good in fact. It was a revelation of sorts.

It's probably a good thing that an ebcb cannot be found in any restaurant nearby as I would probably get fat from the frequent pilgrimages.

Mr. Davies also reviews locations that are a good place for a cup of tea and a think.

Customer Service Redux

Remember my customer from hell, the one I fired? It looks like they got some sucker to make their chair for them. Please note it is NOT made of Neoprene, hah! I wonder how many prototypers they went through before they figured that one out?

This is from a NY Times article about the big furniture show that they attended:

[GOOD PARTNER], 34, and [BAD PARTNER], 37, of [NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE GUILTY] in San Francisco, had a belt-leather beanbag lounge chair and ottoman with them — a Birkenstock for the body and, with its suede good looks, an upscale update of a downscale favorite. Though they hope a retail price would be no more than $1,800, the prototype cost $3,000 to make. At the fair, [WITHHELD] said, it was approached by several manufacturers interested in producing the lounge.

I wish them much success. Their concept was really cool. Too bad they decided to keep the chair we made for them. As I mentioned before, I signed a non-disclosure agreement and cannot reveal the design. However, it looked quite a LOT like this:





Yes boys, much success to you, preferably far away from me.